The Quick Fix: Why Moving On Quickly Isn’t Really Moving On

The Quick Fix: Why Moving On Quickly Isn’t Moving On

Breakups are hard—there’s no sugarcoating it. Whether it’s a quiet drift apart or an all-out emotional explosion, the end of a romantic relationship shakes you. But these days, there’s a growing trend: the quick rebound. You know the type—the one who’s back on Instagram with a new boo before the ink on their “it’s complicated” status has dried. It might seem like resilience, but here’s the truth: moving on too quickly often isn’t moving on at all. It’s emotional avoidance, a distraction in disguise.

The Comfort of Avoidance: When the Storm Feels Safer Left Unexamined

Let’s face it—breakups make us vulnerable, and people don’t handle vulnerability well. In a society that glorifies keeping it moving, it’s no surprise that many dive into a new relationship to sidestep the rawness of heartbreak. But avoiding pain doesn’t mean healing from it.

Think of emotional avoidance as slapping a fresh paint coat on a damp wall. Sure, it looks fine for now, but without addressing what’s causing the dampness, you’ll only deal with more damage down the line. Rebound relationships often operate similarly—covering up the cracks but not fixing the foundation.

What the Research Says: Are We Healing or Just Distracting Ourselves?

Studies back this up. Research published in PLOS ONE found that people with anxious attachment styles—those who fear abandonment or rejection—are more likely to enter rebound relationships. These partnerships are often about escaping the pain of loss rather than building something genuine. And while they might temporarily boost self-esteem, they tend to prevent deeper emotional processing.

Closer to home, in the UK, the rise of dating apps like Tinder and Hinge has changed how we approach post-breakup life. According to a 2022 YouGov survey, 54% of Brits believe it’s easier to rebound today thanks to online dating. But easier doesn’t always mean better. While swiping might feel empowering, using new connections to mask old wounds often leaves unresolved feelings festering beneath the surface.

The Cultural Pressure to “Keep It Moving”

The expectation to “keep it moving” often runs deeper for Black British communities. Culturally, we’re taught to be strong and avoid showing too much vulnerability. Phrases like “man up” or “just get on with it” carry weight, especially for Black men. Relationships don’t fail—they “don’t work out,” and heartbreak isn’t something you cry over; you “just deal with it.”

But bottling up emotions doesn’t mean they disappear. I’ve seen friends who leap from one relationship to the next because sitting still—sitting with their feelings—feels unbearable. Social media amplifies this, too. From curated Instagram highlights to “soft life” TikToks, everyone’s presenting a perfect façade. The pressure to appear unbothered is immense, but the cracks always show beneath the surface.

Signs It’s Emotional Avoidance, Not Progress

How can you tell if someone genuinely moved on or avoided their feelings? Here are a few signs to look out for (and maybe reflect on yourself):

Unresolved Bitterness

They can’t stop bringing up their ex. The ex looms large in their conversations, whether jokes or jabs. This isn’t moving on—it’s dragging the past into the present.

Overcompensation

Their new relationship feels performative like they’re trying to prove something to themselves, their ex, or their followers. That whirlwind romance might be less about love and more about validation.

Avoidance of Reflection

They dismiss any suggestion of self-reflection. Therapy? Too much effort. Journaling? Not for them. They’d instead swipe right and then sit with their feelings.

Patterns of Repetition

They keep dating people who are eerily similar to their exes. This isn’t a coincidence—it’s a cycle.

The Long-Term Effects of Avoidance

When people rush into new relationships without processing their emotions, they carry unresolved baggage into their next connection. It’s like running a relay race with a heavy backpack—you’re moving forward, but it’s only a matter of time before the weight slows you down.

A 2019 Mental Health Foundation report found that 43% of UK adults have struggled with anxiety or depression due to unresolved emotional issues, often stemming from relationships. Avoiding emotional pain doesn’t just affect romantic connections—it seeps into friendships, work, and even physical health. Chronic stress and unprocessed grief can lead to issues like insomnia, digestive problems, and weakened immune function. Moving on too quickly can have consequences far beyond the heart.

What Does Genuine Healing Look Like?

So, what does “moving on” really mean? It doesn’t mean pretending you’re okay or diving into the next relationship without a second thought. Healing is messy, uncomfortable, and deeply personal. It requires sitting with your pain, understanding it, and finding ways to process it without rushing to distraction.

Here’s what genuine healing might look like:

Giving Yourself Time

There’s no set timeline for getting over someone. It’s okay to process what happened in weeks, months, or even years. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s not a race.

Seeking Support

Whether it’s therapy, leaning on friends, or even support groups, talking about your feelings helps. According to the NHS, mental health services in the UK report that people who engage in therapy experience significant reductions in symptoms of depression and anxiety. Therapy isn’t about being broken—it’s about giving yourself the tools to rebuild.

Reconnecting with Yourself

After a breakup, it’s crucial to rediscover who you are outside the relationship. What hobbies, dreams, or goals have you put on hold? Reinvesting in yourself is an act of self-love.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Moving on doesn’t mean pretending the relationship didn’t matter or that the breakup didn’t hurt. It’s about acknowledging your feelings and giving yourself the grace to heal.

Understanding Patterns

I’d like you to reflect on your past relationships. What worked? What didn’t? Emotional healing often involves unpacking patterns in your behaviour or choices to avoid repeating them in the future.

Rebound or Reflection: The Choice is Yours

We live in a world prioritising speed—fast internet, fast food, and fast recovery from heartbreak. But when it comes to emotions, rushing isn’t the answer. Moving on too quickly might provide a fleeting sense of control, but it often leaves a trail of unresolved emotions in its wake.

For those who need to jump into something new, ask yourself: are you ready or just avoiding the discomfort of being alone? And if you’re watching someone else rebound at lightning speed, pause before judging. Beneath the surface, they might struggle more than they’re letting on.

Slow Down to Heal

Emotional healing isn’t about forgetting the past but learning from it. It’s about taking the time to understand what went wrong, what you need, and how to build a stronger foundation for the future. Rushing into a new relationship might feel like progress, but real growth comes from reflection, not avoidance.

So, the next time someone tells you they’ve “moved on,” remember: moving on isn’t about how quickly you can leave the past behind. It’s about how well you can face, process, and carry its lessons into the future. Slow down, reflect, and give yourself the space to heal truly. You owe yourself that much.